Fatal Faux Pas
by Penn O'Hara
Summary: A shortie with our four intrepid detectives. All players on the field. Problems and solutions and something unexpected for three of them. BA'MC


**"Fatal _Faux Pas_"**

**_Copyright 200__8 Penn O'Hara_**

_**T**_

_**Usual disclaimers apply.**_

**_LOCI Timeline: __During Season Seven._**

_**MY LOCI Timeline: Post "Conversations".**_

**Parts One and Two.**

**Part One: Both Boys. Part Two: Both Girls.**

**oOo**

**The Boys**

**The clink of cutlery, scrape of plates on counters, and quieter conversational hum of OnePP personnel rubbing shoulders in the building cafeteria made an innocuous background to the more annoying drum of Logan's fingers on the table top. Goren abandoned his contemplation of a lone diner across the room, not surprised he didn't recognize him given Goren's obsession with more personal issues at the moment and fixed a glare on Logan, willing him to stop the repetitive tattoo.**

**Logan was staring into his coffee, oblivious to Goren's frustration. The liquid in his cup rippled with the table's vibrations, mirroring the disturbance within the other man. Shoulders hunched, he was bowing under a weight as yet unexplained, Goren guessing it was the reason for Logan inviting him to a lunch he hadn't yet touched.**

**Forking into his mouth, Thai rice that tasted like it was cooked yesterday, Goren had enough. "Logan, why am I here?" he demanded.**

**"Huh? Ah…lunch," Logan mumbled, the finger tattoo continuing.**

**The answer was so grudgingly given, Goren deduced he had two choices. Leave the man to his misery or pry out the problem. The choice was easy. Dropping his fork, he grabbed the edges of his lunch tray and pushed himself from the table. Logan's hand snaked out and gripped his arm, halting him. Goren waited, noting his action had, at least. stopped the drumming on the table.**

**"I'm in the doghouse," Logan griped. "And I don't know why."**

**"Ross' been puttin' the pressure on you too?" Goren felt a twinge of satisfaction that someone else was in their Captain's accurate sights and under fire. It didn't take any strain from him, but it did make him feel less singled out.**

**"Not Ross. Barek."**

**Goren slowly settled back into his seat, picked up his mineral water and unscrewed the cap. Taking a swallow, he pressed his lips together and waited, alert.**

**Though not office gossip anymore, Logan and Barek's personal relationship was a beacon upon which others in OnePP gauged their own. Two such diverse personalities coming together and surviving for nearly eighteen months was an impresssive yardstick. Goren's own rubber band relationship with Alex was enduring but he was aware it didn't reflect the same ease with which Logan and Barek were co-habiting. If these two were having problems, Goren wanted to know what they were so he could avoid them in his own personal life.**

**"What happened?" he asked, closing the gap across the table.**

**"I told you. I dunno."**

**Exasperated, Goren straightened again. "Then tell me more or I'm outta here."**

**Logan blew air through his lips which seemed to deflate him more. "Yesterday… she was cold as. I felt like a leper." He looked up at Goren, then looked away. "The night before… I got my first reject."**

**Goren didn't really care whether Logan got enough action or not, but he was curious about the time-honored bone of contention between man and woman. "Does she use the headache excuse?"**

**Flicking him a look, Logan went back to contemplating his coffee. "Barek doesn't feel she needs an excuse. Her exact reaction was, 'You've got to be kidding!' What the hell does that mean?"**

**It meant Logan was proving the adage that one rarely sees what's in front of one's nose. Goren relaxed, confident his insight would find the problem. "Somethin' ya did… has angered her. What did you do?"**

**Logan spread out his hands, his face incredulous. "Both of us went to work, usual time. It was a long day. She got home first, had dinner ready. I had a few wines, got interested, then was hit with the verbal slap in the face." Logan leaned in, flattening his hands on the table top. "Talk to Eames. Tell her to ask Carolyn what the hell is goin' on."**

**Knowing his partner too well, Goren shook his head. "She won't wanna get involved." He stared at Logan, unconvinced the other man hadn't brought this down upon his own head. "What _didn't _you do?"**

**"That's easy. I know all the 'do's and don'ts' by now," Logan stated, surprising Goren with how the man had mellowed. "I didn't leave my jacket on the couch or my socks in the bathroom. I didn't use her favorite cup or her bath towel."**

**Goren felt his brows reach for the roof at that one, but nodded his head, encouraging Logan to continue. "What did _she_ do?"**

**"I guess she made a _special_ dinner. Somethin' Polish, I forget what she called it. There was some weird bread with salt sprinkled on top of it. And red wine. Candles on the table. And some red poppy things in a vase. I just thought she was feelin' romantic. Didn't pan out that way," he grumped.**

**Goren nodded, the picture clearing for him. "Logan, do you know what the day before last was?"**

**Logan looked blank. "Thursday?"**

**"What was the date?"**

**"I…dunno," Logan shrugged. "Today's what, the sixteenth?"**

**"That'd make Thursday… the fourteenth," Goren nodded. "What's important… about the fourteenth of February?"**

**Dawning struck Logan's face in a caricature of horror and guilt. "You mean she expected somethin' for Valentine's Day?"**

**"Did ya really think she wouldn't?"**

**"But we're not dating. We're livin' together!"**

**"You think that makes a difference?" Goren shook his head sadly. "Man… you're dumber than you look."**

**Logan dropped his head into his hands. "Ah… shit."**

**"And that weird bread…with salt sprinkled on top?" Goren tapped a finger on the table in front of Logan. "The bread is symbolic… to never hunger or need for anything. The salt reminds lovers that life will be difficult at times… but they need to rise above it. The wine… means a hope to never thirst for anything. Traditional Polish _wedding_ bread, Logan. You just got thumped… with a huge hint."**

**Logan slowly raised his head, jaw dropped open, eyes glazed and unseeing. "I'm dead."**

**oOo**

_**That same day but later…**_

**The Girls**

**The bar was up-market, brighter than most, the glare of track lighting arcing from the cold metallic tables and barstools. Techno music ricocheted from the walls and penetrated Carolyn's skull, pounding heavily down her neck. Rubbing her temples, she looked balefully at Alex.**

**"Why did you choose here?" she mouthed, forcing Alex to bring her ear in close.**

**"You wanted cheering up!" Alex yelled back.**

**"I had three margaritas and I'm still not very cheerful. In fact, I'm in pain. Don't tell me you like this place?"**

**Alex downed the last of her white wine. "Nah, but it _did_ give you somethin' to complain about other than Logan."**

**Feeling churlish, Carolyn hung her head. "I'm sorry. I'm borin' you—"**

**Alex laughed and dragged her from the barstool. "That's what friends are for. That and goin' grocery shopping with. Let's get outta here."**

**Slipping out into the darker, cooler night air hanging over the New York City pavement, Carolyn relaxed slightly and felt the last margarita grab some of the pain and muddy it. Her steps weaved a little until she felt Alex take her arm and steady her.**

**"Look what that man's done to me," Carolyn griped. "Turned me into a drunk...ah, sorry. I'm doin' it again. Talkin' about him—"**

**"You're not drunk," Alex assured her. "And you can talk about him. Just don't wallow in it." They evaded a group of young revelers heading for the club, then crossed the street toward Alex' parked car, dodging two lanes of slow but steady traffic.**

**"That's easy for you to say. Bobby remembered you on Valentine's Day. He spoiled you, in fact. Dinner. Flowers. Music CD. A pillow…" Carolyn held up a dismissing hand to an irate motorist who didn't approve of their jay-walking. "I didn't even get any appreciation for the special dinner I cooked, then got mauled while I was clearin' the dishes."**

**Alex gave her arm a shake. "You _like_ Logan maulin' you. It turns you on, remember?"**

**"Not this time." Carolyn stood beside the passenger door, waiting for Alex to unlock her car. "It's because we moved in together, isn't it?" she said, appealing to Alex over the roof of the vehicle. "He made a fuss last year, but now that he's got me he thinks he doesn't have to work for it anymore."**

**Alex pulled open the driver's door, but paused to fix Carolyn with a purposeful glare. "Any man that thinks he doesn't have to work for it anymore is stupid, and Logan's not stupid."**

**"No, he's just a big, unthinking—" Carolyn's cell vibrated with a text message and she dragged it out of her trouser pocket to look at its display. "Speak of the devil. He's finished work and wants to know when I'll be home."**

**"I can get you and your groceries there in under twenty," Alex said, tossing a look at the shopping bags in the back.**

**"What if I don't want to go home?" Carolyn asked, slipping into the passenger seat before thumbing the message into her phone.**

**Alex joined her in the cabin and reached for her seat-belt. "You want to. That way, you get to make Logan suffer instead of yourself."**

**Carolyn smiled, realizing the value in the statement. "You're absolutely right."**

**oOo**

**With two shopping bags in her arms, Carolyn struggled with getting the key into her front door lock.**

**"Here, let me do it," Alex offered, shifting the third bag of shopping under her left arm. "I've got one hand free."**

**Carolyn stood back and watched Alex push the door open and step into the apartment, then freeze.**

**"_Oh, my lord!_" Alex gasped, her skin blanching until Carolyn was sure she was about to faint.**

**"Shit!_ Fuck!"_**

**Carolyn heard Mike curse, then the thump of furniture. Alex hadn't moved and Carolyn caught up behind her to peer over her shoulder. Mike was on his haunches on top of the sofa cushions, his suit coat bunched in front of him. Other than the material shield, he was naked.**

**"_What on earth!?"_ Carolyn pushed past Alex and swept into the room. Dumping the shopping bags on the dining table, she rounded on Mike. "What are you _wearing?_"**

**The horror on Mike's face was palpable. "Nothing much! So I'd appreciate—"**

**"A red heart G-string, actually," Alex said, her voice vibrating with mirth.**

**Carolyn's head snapped round to see Alex bend down and put the last bag of groceries on the floor near the door, her shoulders shaking. "I think I'll go," she said, her mouth working over trying to keep the laughter in. "See ya, Logan. Hopefully when you've got more clothes on."**

**The door shut behind her and Carolyn spun back to Mike. He was still cowering on the couch, his coat pressed to his chest like armor, eyes frozen wide. The seconds stretched as Carolyn contemplated what Alex might have seen and Mike was no doubt doing the same.**

**The coffee table between them was burdened with red and silver heart-shaped balloons suspended above a basket bursting with packages and a champagne bottle twice the size of a regular one, and Carolyn could only hope some of it would have blocked Alex' vision.**

**Mike recovered first. "You could have told me you were bringing Eames home!"**

**The unreasonable accusation galvanized Carolyn. "I don't see that I had to! She gave me a lift." She spread a hand to indicate the grocery bags behind her. "Helped me bring up the shopping."**

**"_Shit!_" Mike slid down the back of the couch, and hunched over his hands at his knees. "How am I ever gonna face her again?"**

**"What were you doing?" Carolyn asked guardedly. "When Alex walked in?"**

**He rubbed a hand around the back of his neck. "I heard…the key in the lock. I was waiting… for _you_!"**

**"What…were…you…_doing!?"_**

**Mike sighed heavily. "P…posing."**

**"Posing?" Carolyn's sense of humor started to kick in. Her mind's eye pictured over six feet of naked Mike Logan flesh exposed to an unsuspecting Alex and Carolyn wasn't surprised the woman had frozen.**

**"Yeah! _Posing!´_ he snapped, his eyes narrowing at the amusement on her face.**

**Carolyn pursed her lips. "I can't quite get the true mental picture," she mused. "Wanna show me?"**

**Mike threw his arms in the air and let them flop back onto his knees. "Not much point now. The mood and moment's been killed."**

**Carolyn looked around the room, seeing Valentine banners draped from curtain rods, more balloons hanging from light fittings, and no less than five bunches of flowers perched in jars on the sideboard and bookshelves.**

**"Where'd you get all this stuff?"**

**"Does it matter?" Mike choked. "Hell, the stores are throwin' it out. Half price! It _is_ two days late, after all."**

**Carolyn finally moved, walking toward him slowly, smiling. "Aw, Mike. You were makin' it up to me. For missing Valentine's Day."**

**"I didn't _miss_ it," he admitted, turning his head away to hide his guilt from her. "I didn't think it necessary—"**

**Carolyn didn't know whether to applaud herself for guessing the reason he didn't think of her on the day or belt him for thinking that way. "You've come to your senses now."**

**"Yeah, I learn by my mistakes. You gotta give me that."**

**She chuckled. "Yeah, I can give you that."**

**He stabbed out a hand, looking up from the couch with a trace of new indignation. "_You _didn't give _me_ anything!"**

**Carolyn gasped. "But you're wrong! I did! I—" She stopped, seeing how he had misunderstood. "I did it using my family's tradition. _Polish_ tradition. I wasn't thinkin' whether you would realize or not." She held out her hand and cupped her palm to his upturned jaw. "I guess we both made a mistake." She smiled encouragingly at him. "Now, show me how you …posed."**

**Thawing, he grinned, then threw his coat over the back of the couch. Carolyn bit her lip to not chip him about it but forgot the coat when she got an eyeful of the red heart G-string he wore. Stretching his near naked length across the couch, Mike drew one knee up, and flung a hand over the back of the sofa, the other resting on his thigh. He tipped his head and gave her a sultry pout that should have had her die laughing but instead, made her knees go weak.**

**"Oh…my…" she breathed, then swallowed with difficulty over the constriction in her throat. "No wonder Alex couldn't move."**

**"Come and get it, babe…"**

**oOo**

_**Finis.**_

**_Dedicated to Ladybrin for requesting a Valentine MC __shortie._**


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